|Here's Your Sign
By Bill Engvall
Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid".
That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything.
It would be like, "Excuse me ... oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and
there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says
"Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week
to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled
his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this
idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope - Talked
'em into giving up. Here's your sign."
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There
was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test
it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want
you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when
they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road
gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me,
and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope.
I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me.
Here's your sign."
We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to
the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to
the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe,
then says, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could
have stopped him.
I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't ya
know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't
get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually
a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning
... ok ... no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign ...
until he asked "So, is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked
at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said "no I'm delivering'
a bridge ... here's your sign."
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